Open with a view of a building and someone walks past and into the door, then close up of plaque outside that reads ‘Institute of Ideas’.
Cut to; inside the building, man walking towards reception.
MAN: Excuse me, i wonder if I might speak to someone, I think I might have an idea.
RECEPTIONIST: Really? Are you sure?
MAN: Well, yes.
RECEPTIONIST: Have you ever had an idea before?
MAN: Erm, no. This is my first one.
RECEPTIONIST: And you’re sure it’s an idea?
MAN: Yes. Well, it certainly feels like an idea.
RECEPTIONIST: How do you know it feels like an idea if you’ve never had an idea before?
MAN: I’ve No idea
RECEPTIONIST: So you don’t have an idea?
MAN: No I do have an idea.
RECEPTIONIST: But you just said you didn’t
MAN: No I didn’t
RECEPTIONIST: Yes you did
MAN: No I didn’t
RECEPTIONIST: Yes you did. You said you have no idea.
MAN: I said I’ve no idea because i have no idea …
RECEPTIONIST: See, you said it again. You said you have no idea.
MAN: no I didn’t
RECEPTIONIST: yes you did
MAN: No I didn’t
RECEPTIONIST: yes you did
MAN: no I meant I have no idea what it feels like to have an idea because I’ve never had an idea before.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh I see. So you do have an idea?
MAN: Yes
RECEPTIONIST: And you don’t not have no idea?
MAN: Yes
RECEPTIONIST: But that means you don’t have an idea.
MAN: What? No. Listen, i have an idea and I’ll like to speak to somebody about it.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, you should have said.
MAN: I’ve been trying to if you’d just listen.
RECEPTIONIST: Sorry?…
MAN: Tut
RECEPTIONIST: Although it’s highly unlikely you have an idea. Let me see if there’s anyone available.
Receptionist makes a phone call.
RECEPTIONIST: Hi, John, we have someone here at reception who thinks he has an idea.
MAN: I DO have an idea!
RECEPTIONIST: I think he’s sure, yes.
RECEPTIONIST turns to MAN and covers the phone with her hand.
RECEPTIONIST: Are you sure?
MAN: YES!
RECEPTIONIST: Yes, he’s sure.
RECEPTIONIST: No, no, this is his first one…
RECEPTIONIST: Let me just check.
RECEPTIONIST covers the phone speaker again and asks:
RECEPTIONIST: This idea, is it a good one?
MAN: Yes, it’s a pretty good one.
Picks the phone back up:
RECEPTIONIST: It’s a pretty good one sir, yes.
RECEPTIONIST: OK. I’ll tell him. Ok. Bye.
Hangs up.
RECEPTIONIST: I’m sorry sir, all of our idea specialists have got other ideas at the moment. If you like, you can tell me your idea, I’ll put it on the system and someone will be in touch later.
MAN: Ok.
RECEPTIONIST: So, What’s your idea then?
MAN: (Looks dubious) Well…
RECEPTIONIST: Don’t worry sir anything you say is strictly confidential… you can whisper it if you like.
MAN Leans over and whispers.
RECEPTIONIST: (Typing away, looks mildly excited for a second while typing) Yep, yep, mmm yeah. Oh wow. Oh that is great. Brilliant! But I must tell you, we already have that idea.
MAN: Really? Who registered it?
RECEPTIONIST: Me
MAN: When?
RECEPTIONIST: Just… (presses enter on the keyboard) then.
MAN: But that was my idea.
RECEPTIONIST: No it wasn’t.
MAN: Yes it was.
RECEPTIONIST: No it wasn’t
MAN: Yes it was.
RECEPTIONIST: Well, did you register it?
MAN: I’ve just give it to you.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh thank you.
MAN: No not give you it to keep, give you it to register.
RECEPTIONIST: I did register it.
MAN: Yes but register it for me!
RECEPTIONIST: Do you have you any proof it was your idea?
MAN: Well, I don’t know. Have you got cctv in here?
RECEPTIONIST: No but that’s a fantastic idea, would you like me to register it for you?
MAN: What? No. Oh forget it
MAN walks away
RECEPTIONIST: Don’t forget to come back if you ever have another idea.
MAN mutters under his breath
MAN: I’ve got an idea. Shove your ideas up you arse!
The receptionist shouts from behind him
RECEPTIONIST: Already got that one, sir.